Your mental health and other excuses
There is a narrative circulating the interwebs these days that motherhood is synonymous with a feeling of “overwhelm.” This is a seemingly harsh blog post, but I’ve just got to call this out: feeling overwhelmed as a mom is not simply the result of your sensory system being “overloaded” or you being “overstimulated.” Overwhelm is a reaction. Let’s call it what it is. And reacting in rash anger/speaking harshly to your children/internally catastrophizing your situation—no matter the reason—is sin. We cannot keep using medical diagnoses, personality types, or any other self or professionally-imposed label to let ourselves off the hook when it comes to obeying God. My child’s impulsivity is real, but she is by no means excused from fighting against her lack of self control just because she has a diagnosis of ADHD. Though I realize that she has biological traits and dispositions that are not in her favor, making the struggle exponentially more difficult, that does not excuse her from the need to fight hard against her fleshly desires. In fact, those realities mean only that she will have to lean in further in battling temptation and cultivating instead the fruit of the spirit. The same is true for you and I as well, regardless of what our own inclinations are.
For “no temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so you may stand up under it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13
There was a similar narrative in the time I was coming into adulthood (coincidentally the time when social media became massive and pervasive) and it rang to the tune of “protecting your mental health.” Don’t hear what I’m not saying: mental health problems are real, and I’ve fought my way through my fair share of them. But how easy it became to opt out of difficult circumstances due to “a mental health struggle” (aka I’m not feeling very motivated to get off the couch and go to work/class/social engagement, etc.). I look back and wish someone would have shaken me and told me, “there’s nothing wrong with you besides the fact that you’re mentally weak from never having done anything hard.” Or better yet, “put your phone down, quit obsessing about yourself, and you’ll have won half the battle.” Or better still, “Pick up your Bible and do what it says, ‘taking every thought captive to obey Christ’ (2 Cor. 10:5).” What a concept, that we should put one foot in front of the other and do the next obedient thing rather than follow wherever our feelings lead (even if that’s a loathsome, lazy ditch). It seems that life is largely composed of doing things that we don’t always FEEL like doing. And that’s because we are waging war constantly against our sinful flesh. And war, which, I might remind you, is not a comfortable affair.
On the mental health front, there is tremendous value in looking outside of ourselves. When I became a parent, I quickly realized that my battles with depression and anxiety were largely the result of hyperfixating on me, my feelings, my struggles, my own concerns. It was an issue of mental weakness, a lack of any kind of real responsibility or obligation to push through when I was uncomfortable. When I had my first baby and experienced the realities of having to cast my own desires aside for the good of another (sleep, body, feeding, time, pain, finances), I finally began to be freed from my depressive/anxious tendencies. Despite postpartum hormones and sleeplessness, I was liberated from thought cycles that fixated on me, me, me. I learned for the first time on a genuine level (besides in low-stakes sporting events) that you will have to do things that you don’t want to, and nobody needs to feel sorry for you about that reality. Nobody needs to applaud you that you’re doing something hard. I believe another term for this is being humbled. I struggle with this still. Remember, Macy, nobody needs to know how many times you woke up in the night with the baby.
Clinging to a diagnosis or to even a traumatic event in our own personal history as “the reason” behind why we do what we do positions us as the victim. It feeds the idea that the choices we make are outside of our control. Yes, sometimes we are the victim—bad things happen to us that we do not ask for or have any part in their happening. Abuse, neglect, illness, injury. But amidst victimhood, we are called as believers to steward what we can and to be faithful with what is inside of our control. Our reactions, our regard for others, our diligence in doing the good work God has called us to, our thoughts, and so on. We have to move forward, not wallow in the past or pull out excuses for why God is calling everybody except for us to obey his commands.Choosing to live foremost as a victim removes all personal responsibility. We subconsciously think it excuses us from God’s commanding us to keep moving forward, to steward the tasks we’ve been given with the lot that we’ve been given.
“Again, it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his wealth to them. To one he gave five bags of gold, to another two bags, and to another one bag, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey.The man who had received five bags of gold went at once and put his money to work and gained five bags more.So also, the one with two bags of gold gained two more.But the man who had received one bag went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master’s money.
“After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them. The man who had received five bags of gold brought the other five. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘you entrusted me with five bags of gold. See, I have gained five more.’
“His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’
“The man with two bags of gold also came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘you entrusted me with two bags of gold; see, I have gained two more.’
“His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’
“Then the man who had received one bag of gold came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. So I was afraid and went out and hid your gold in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.’
“His master replied, ‘You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed? Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest.
“‘So take the bag of gold from him and give it to the one who has ten bags.For whoever has will be given more, and they will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what they have will be taken from them.And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’ Matthew 25:14-30
None of us are off the hook. We are each called to fight the good fight. Sin and its fallout in the form of broken bodies and minds is very real, and each walk will look different. But a physical predisposition to struggling with certain things is not an excuse to have no spiritual responsibility over the sin struggles that come alongside that issue. Do you have a crutch you use to excuse or minimize your sin? Lean in further, press on, get smarter about fighting those specific sin tendencies. At the end of our days, we will be held accountable for what we did within each of our own capacities–from the mentally handicapped to the abuse survivor, and even the mom of littles with no support system. What will you do to make the most of what you have been given?